


Part of Me

by TalysAlankil



Series: Vanven week 2019 [3]
Category: Celeste (Video Game), Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Celeste, Anxiety, Celeste (Video Game) Spoilers, Doppelcest, Doppelganger, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Implied Traitor!Ventus, M/M, Panic Attacks, Psychological Trauma, Self-Hatred, ambiguously romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:41:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21956047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TalysAlankil/pseuds/TalysAlankil
Summary: When Ventus attempts to climb Celeste Mountain, the darkest part of him he's trying to overcome takes physical form, and takes great pleasure in tormenting him.
Relationships: Vanitas & Ventus (Kingdom Hearts), Vanitas/Ventus (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: Vanven week 2019 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1578049
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22





	Part of Me

**Author's Note:**

> For Vanven week day 4, with the prompts "Together", "Phobia" and "Breath". I've been wanting to make a vanven Celeste AU since I played the game last year, and these prompts seemed like the perfect excuse.
> 
> Also if you haven't played Celeste, you should! The game is fun, deep and super moving and cathartic, and its composer, Lena Raine, is one of my all-time favorites.

It started when Ventus walked in front of that mirror. Its cursed energies were beyond Vanitas's comprehension, but suddenly he was separate, he was a body with its own agency, he was a conscience with its own agenda. He _was_.

He was _tired_ of Ventus. Of watching him metaphorically flounder through life, and now, literally flounder through climbing Celeste Mountain.

"You really are pathetic," he muttered, mostly to himself. His voice startled Ventus. Of course he hadn't noticed him—the cave was dimly lit, Vanitas was leaning against a wall, and Ventus's focus seemed consumed by the act of catching his breath. "This is why you never should have left home. What are you trying to prove? That you can save your friends?" He scoffed. "Give me a break. You and I both know, even if you became strong enough, all you'd do is hurt them even more."

Ven flinched at his words, but didn't back away. "You're that thing—that came from the mirror. Are you…me?"

Vanitas considered lying, toying with him, but nothing felt crueler than the truth. "I'm part of you."

"Why would part of me look so…creepy?"

To that, Vanitas burst out laughing. "Why indeed," he retorted mockingly. "Could it be I look just the way you are on the inside? Just like how _she_ saw you, at the end?"

"That—"

"Spare me the excuses. You've told yourselves many, which means I've heard them all. What's your current one? 'It was an accident'?"

"It _was_." Ven's answer was as petulant and defensive as Vanitas knew it to be.

"You'll find no atonement here, Venty-Wenty."

"What would you know about it?"

"Because I know you. And this trip, this quest for atonement? I see it for what it truly is. Pointless." Vanitas made a ferocious grin, which only widened when Ventus backed away slowly. "I know you. You should embrace who you really are."

"And what I am is—?"

"The bad guy."

Ven shook his head, attempting a determined pose. "That's not true! And I'll prove it to you! I have the strength to overcome this darkness, and I'll show it to you by climbing this mountain!"

He dashed off, and Vanitas couldn't help but snicker. "As if that would make a difference." With a scoff, he pushed himself off the wall and went after Ventus. "Fine. Symbolism be damned. I guess I'll just have to prove to you that you _lack_ that very strength."

* * *

The haunted hotel was admittedly a surprise to Vanitas, though he supposed it made no less sense than a magic mirror who gave life to one's darkest self. It piqued his curiosity for a bit, until he got the full measure of what the ghost owner really was.

Mr Oshiro. A coward. Codependent and weak. Insecure and anxious. A man who had let his problems pile up without ever solving them so much, they were still troubling him in death. In him, Vanitas saw a reflection of Ventus's possible future—but that was Ventus at his worst. At least, his worst as far as Vanitas was concerned: weak and indecisive and panicking.

Sadly, Oshiro's doubt seemed to have plunged him into a kind of darkness that was utterly _boring_ to Vanitas. Where was the grandeur? The threat? The violence? Instead he was only paralyzed, as if he had sunk into a pool of his own darkness and drowned in it, rather than drinking it in and growing stronger for it, like Vanitas had—like Ventus could, if shown the way.

Then again, if Ventus could be shown the way, perhaps Oshiro could too. All he needed was a spark. A point where he could apply some pressure. Something like—

Something like Ventus doing chores for Oshiro then attempting to leave even when the old man is trying to get him to stay.

Vanitas stuck to the shadows for a moment, listening in on their conversation. Rolling his eyes at Ventus's increasingly flimsy excuses not to stay at the hotel, Vanitas stepped up behind Oshiro.

"What aren't you getting, old man? He's just too afraid to tell you what he really wants. Or _doesn't_ want."

Ven's eyes went wide with fear. "What are you—you can't _speak_ for me! Mr Oshiro, I promise you—"

"Your hotel is a ruin," Vanitas continued, ignoring him. "No one would ever stay here. They'd have to be the biggest pushover on this _planet_ to be swayed by your pathetic attempts to guilt-trip people. It just makes me want to _break_ things. Don't you agree, Ventus?"

Oshiro stared at Ventus blankly. "Is it true, Mr Ventus? You think—you wouldn't—"

The old man collapsed to his knees as he sank into wordless despair. Ven stared at him, horrified yet unable to find words to comfort him. With one last snicker, Vanitas retreated to the shadows.

Watching Oshiro's ghost go feral and chase Ventus on his way out of the hotel was the most satisfying thing Vanitas had experienced in his admittedly short life.

* * *

There was something intriguing about Ventus's perseverance, a hidden depth Vanitas had never even known about. He had to admit being fascinated by it, even as he wanted nothing more than to get rid of it.

The perfect opportunity presented itself when Ventus climbed on the gondola leading up to the temple. He waited for Sora, the boy he'd befriended over the course of his journey, and that was enough time for Vanitas to get to work.

The gondola broke down mid-ride, trapping the two boys and dangling them over miles of empty space. Vanitas watched from above, grinning to himself when Ventus broke down from the panic. Any moment now, he would—

Something was wrong. In that nothing was wrong.

Sora tried to help, but ultimately, it was Ventus who calmed himself down. Breathing deeply, focusing on that and nothing else. And it _worked_. The darkness in his heart receded, tugging at Vanitas as he felt physically pushed away by the strength Ventus had found within.

How was this possible? It made no sense to Vanitas. Ventus was weak, he couldn't—

And yet, through the bond that still tethered him to Ventus, Vanitas couldn't help but feel the warmth of this strength. He wasn't sure he hated this feeling.

* * *

It was with wavering confidence that Vanitas confronted Ventus again inside the mirror temple that awaited after the gondola ride.

"What did you do to Sora?" Ven's anger was a new, formidable blaze, radiating from him.

"I didn't do _anything_. If anyone did, it's _you_." Vanitas crossed his arms across his chest, trying to strengthen his bravado. "Told ya if you kept going you'd only get people hurt."

"Cut it out! I'm not responsible for this!"

Vanitas scoffed. "Maybe not. But neither am I. I'm just the form the Mountain gave to your darkness, but you're not special, Ventus. Sora's going through the same trial—but his darkness has a different look." He had seen it: Sora's body, trapped in a glass-like pod while the world stared at him, waiting for him to save them. Quite the delusion. "If I were you, I'd be more worried about what _other_ darkness lies hidden within yourself. The temple is capable of a lot more than the rest of the mountain."

"You mean—those creatures I escaped—"

"Come from you. Or from me, I guess. They are your negative emotions given form, emerging from your darkness: me." He made an exaggerated bow at that. "And if you don't hurry, they might hurt your friend. Because that's all you do."

The sudden flash of fear in Ventus's eyes made Vanitas smile. Finally, he was getting somewhere. "Y-you're wrong!" Ventus said, wavering. "Why are you even doing this? If you're me, why aren't you helping me?"

"But I'm fine with us being like this."

"Are you? I'm not. I think you're just afraid of what else we can be."

Ventus's strange new confidence had made its return, and it left Vanitas unsettled. "I'm just trying to help you be yourself, Venty-Wenty. Isn't that what they all say we should aspire to?" He scoffed. "These emotions are yours, like it or not. Maybe you just need to let them do their thing. Then you'll be free."

He allowed himself a satisfied smirk, but Ventus shook his head, steady as ever. "I don't believe you. I don't _want_ to believe you."

"Denial doesn't look good on you, even if it _is_ unsurprising," Vanitas said, deadpan.

"I'm not in denial. Maybe you're right—maybe that _is_ how I really feel. But you know what? I can be better than that. I can _choose_ to be better! And I will! You'll see!"

He dashed forward, deeper into the temple, and for the first time, Vanitas felt truly powerless to stop him.

* * *

Ventus didn't just power through the temple and survive it. He found Sora, helped _him_ work through his inner darkness, and carried him outside of the temple, into the relative safety of the snowy ridges of Celeste Mountain. Vanitas couldn't believe it.

"Thanks, for getting me out," Sora said while the two huddled around a campire.

Ven shook his head modestly. "Thank you for believing in me. And I'm sorry I dragged you into this mess. I should have told you about this thing the mountain does before we went any further."

"It _is_ pretty crazy," Sora said. "I don't know if I would have believed you, to be honest. Maybe we were meant to go through this together."

"I don't know how you can help with my evil self, though," Ven said with a sigh.

"Why don't I fight him with you?"

Ven gazed at him skeptically. "This isn't a video game, Sora."

"Okay, fine." Sora chuckled. "Maybe you just need to get rid of him? If he's the darkness you hold inside, I think you should just let it all go."

"He's the one who's been chasing me around."

"I mean _figuratively_ let it go. Let _him_ go. As in, whoever you were once that gave birth to him. You're not that person anymore."

"But that's the thing. What if I am?"

Sora shook his head. "I don't believe that. You saved me, after all."

Ven was silent for a moment. And then, he said, "Maybe you're right."

Vanitas seethed at those words. It was a struggle not to reveal himself right then and there, but he waited. Waited until Sora was asleep, and Ventus walked away from the camp. Coming straight towards him, as if he knew Vanitas was there all along. "We need to talk."

"Save it," Vanitas spat. "I heard enough."

"I know. But can you honestly say I'm wrong? You say you know me, but I _know_ you too. You're cruel, and mean, and"—his voice broke—"violent…and you hate yourself, too. You hate _being_ you. You hate that _I'm_ you, too. So why would you want me to keep on being that? Can't you see that I need to leave you behind?"

"Leave me behind? That's it, huh? You're abandoning me so you can _'be better'_ , with your _friends_? You think you can just blame everything on _me_ and move on with your life?"

Darkness poured out of him, coiling around Ventus and bringing him to his knees. Ventus closed his eyes, keeping his breathing deep and steady in an attempt to stay in control, but Vanitas lashed out.

"Do you think you can be strong enough _without me_? You _need_ me much more than I need you."

"You're wr—"

Ventus's retort cut short when the ground beneath him collapsed under the force of the darkness pouring out of Vanitas, sending them both collapsing into the void.

* * *

Vanitas wasn't sure how Ven survived the fall—maybe it was another mystical power of the mountain itself. What he knew was the feeling of loneliness he felt for the hours he spent alone, at the bottom of the ravine, before Ventus showed up, his face strangely lighting up when he saw Vanitas.

"So, you're alive," Vanitas said. There was a flood of relief within him, but he wasn't about to admit that. "Great. You proved you didn't need me, I guess. You've won."

Ven shook his head. "I've had some time to think, and—I'm sorry."

Vanitas looked up at him, surprised. "'Sorry'?"

"What I said about you…you're only this way— _I'm_ only this way—because of how people treat us. And I've treated you no better right now." He sighed. "After what happened with Strelitzia, all my friends abandoned me. I don't know if I was owed their forgiveness, but I know that the only reason you grew to be as strong as you were is because I had no one to show me love. But you know what? I'm tired of relying on others." He sighed. "Even now, I couldn't believe in my own strength without Sora telling me I'm strong. Well, I think it's time to use some of that strength to love myself. Which means loving _you_ , too."

"You think I'm lovable?" Vanitas scoffed. "You think _you're_ lovable?"

Ven brushed off his sarcasm. "I do. And it's not just that—you had a point. I _need_ you. You are part of my strength, all the struggles I've survived, all the mistakes I've made. I can't just get rid of it all and expect to grow into a better person." He held out his hand. "I'm choosing another path. Come with me, and we can walk it together?"

Vanitas stared at the offered hand, ready to bite back, but then he felt it again. That rush of warmth, this bright feeling. _Light_.

This time, _he_ fell to his knees. And when Ventus came closer, and gently cradled Vanitas's head against his chest, Vanitas couldn't help but cry in earnest.

"You're wrong," he said. "You _don't_ need me. And you would be better off if I disappeared."

"No," Ventus simply said. "Let's work together. I wanna see what that looks like. Don't you?"

He knelt, bring his face level with Vanitas's. Vanitas looked up, staring at Ventus's face through teary eyes. "I don't know if I deserve—"

"It's not about _deserve_. It's about what we can be moving forward." Ventus smiled. "You can't _deserve_ anything just by virtue of existing. You have to work for it first. Earn your redemption, your forgiveness. I want to do that. Do you?"

Vanitas's breath caught in his chest. "Yes."

Ventus took his hand as he stood up, looking at him with a smile. "Now, what do you say we start by climbing this mountain together? With your help, I bet I can reach the summit in no time?"

Vanitas couldn't help but frown. "You still want to climb it?"

"I needed to prove I have the strength to conquer my own darkness, turn it to light." With a smile for Vanitas, he said, "I think I've done it, honestly. But I'd like to see what the result looks like." He looked up, towards the peak towering over them, lost in the clouds. "Besides, I bet the view is worth the hassle. Don't you want to find out?"

* * *

It _was_ worth the hassle, Vanitas had to admit.

They sat side by side at the peak of the mountain, bathed in the sun, and stared at the landscape laid out beneath them, half-hidden by clouds.

Though his attention was almost entirely captured by the boy next to him.

"You know," Ventus said, "you never told me what I should call you."

"Vanitas."

Ventus tilted his head. "Like my name, but…darker and edgier?"

"Something like that." He blushed at Ventus poking fun at his logic, even if he knew there was no bite behind the teasing.

"I like it. Thanks, Vanitas. I couldn't have done this without you."

"Glad I could help." And to his surprise, it was the truth.

"Will you still be with me? When we come down from the mountain?"

"I don't know," Vanitas confessed. "I'm not really a person, right? Just a creation of the mountain?"

"You're real enough to me," Ventus said, taking his hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. "I hope you don't just disappear. I hope this isn't just some weird dream."

"Oh, it's very real. I'm sure of that."

"Then I really hope you remain real. You're a person to me, Vanitas."

Vanitas looked away, only because he couldn't allow himself to cry in front of Ventus _again_. Once he was back in control, he said, "Well, there's only one way to find out."


End file.
